I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Too much gin, very little bucket
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
