just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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