so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
