I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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