I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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