Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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