If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
