I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is Oprah even human
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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