So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
