Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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