we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
