You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
