I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
