You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize