i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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