Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
