It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
