Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
