just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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