His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
