no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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