What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize