I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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