the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
