I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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