i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
