He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
