i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm really busy with my period
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