new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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