There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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