Sponge bath it is.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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