bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
