you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
