This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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