he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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