i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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