Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
