you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we're making bets on your personal life
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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