i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Operation Purity has been aborted
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize