so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
