its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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