I just gift wrapped bread.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
