he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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