y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
