I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
