so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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