someone owes me an orgasm
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
