He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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