alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
