i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
