Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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