Is it because I queefed?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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