And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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