I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
