You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
