do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
