Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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