He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
