No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
