yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize