My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
