is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
