Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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