i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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