I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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