Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
