If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
