when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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