I am in a vortex of obligation.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
