Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
