Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
