Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
